That knot in my stomach, the tears crouching behind my eyes, and the smile plastered on my face – how many Sunday mornings have I lived like this? I just stuffed and smiled. This was my mantra and I couldn’t run away.
I wanted to go to a place that I could be alone. To hide and not pretend. To feel and not be numb. But last week this changed for me. it was Sunday and worship night at Buchanan (our church campus). During the last song, Nathan asked us to stay until we let God do what He brought us there to do.
So I walked up the aisle, this pastor’s wife and Jackson’s mom (insert the title you wear like a crown) and I kneeled at the cross and cried in front of people and the cross.
I felt relief. Real reprieve. True immunity.
So I must apologize. I should have been the first one at His feet. The first to confess.
I opened wide the doors of repentance and slammed shut shame.
I will go first – will you follow me?