Some anniversaries are celebratory.
Others are reminders of what is lost.
Today is a milestone for the Ewing family because we observe the sixteen years since Jake joined Jesus. I mean look at those cheeks and his tennis shoes. Be still my heart.
He would be 17 years old and probably pushing our parental limits in his junior year of high school. Every year when it is time to buy school supplies I imagine what I would buy for Jake. What type of pens he would require? What would his lunch menu entail? When he comes home from school, is there that one snack he would prefer?
What could have been haunts me.
Yet what is real developed me.
What happened with Jake resulted in a depth inside of me that I didn’t know I possessed but it also created a frustration with people who gave up on what I believed to be easier situations. It feels so personal and wrong because I long for others to experience the healing I did. It’s like I have this secret cure for cancer yet no one believes me – it creates a deep longing for others to see how God can truly heal/restore anything and an annoyance when others don’t explore these promises. There are many days I want to yell – YOU do not give God enough credit – let Him work.
I want to holler – YOU don’t have the right to give up on God in this situation – it doesn’t compare to what I have walked through. Hang in there. Fight the good fight. Just show up.
I have had the privilege/opportunity to be force-fed His Majesty while many are living off of glimpses of His goodness. Stop being stupid. Use what God has allowed to be a part of your life to more deeply understand and know who He really is. Don’t waste time pretending you get Him- ask Him the hard questions, explore your doubts and amplify the reasons that you distrust. Then be still and allow Him to reconcile your resistances.
Jake’s death on this day can be seen as a gift because I live in a different reality. I know what God can/will do while most doubt and wonder. I get it. He is enough. No matter what! And I can rest in that. You can as well.