Over the past few weeks, Brad has been keeping me updated on the long process of publishing a book. I have basically let him handle all of the business part of it. He is much better with that type of stuff. I either like something or I don’t. It is that easy. I deal in black and white. He works in gorgeous colors and paints together brilliance.
Today, he said, come look. I peeked over his computer to see lots of tracking numbers. Yes, those tracking numbers mean boxes of books. My heart dropped for a brief, ok, 5 or 10 minutes, while the reality of boxes of books showing up on my door, caused me to tremble a bit. I have no idea what I will do with boxes of books. We are new at this. I am very simplistic. God told me to write a book and I did. We felt like God was saying to publish it ourselves and we did.
So a large box of books means a large chunk of change we borrowed to print the books. And by this time, I am itching all over in total panic. What have I done? All the questions, doubts, and insecurities rush over me like a huge ocean wave ready to crush whoever is in its path. I am that person, standing in the middle of the ocean wondering if we are going to sink or swim. Wondering how I ever got into this position? Me, write a book about me. Except it is not about me, it is about God. It is about a woman who was standing in an ocean and the waves were coming and you will have to read the book to discover whether or not she will be swept away. 🙂
Needless to say, I am scared, excited, and humbled. It is like a kindergartener painting a picture and all she does is mix all the colors on a page. I am that page. A mix of feelings and colors.