White Flag

I woke up with a feeling of uncertainty in the pit of my stomach, you know the feeling, when emotions are waving inside like a tattered flag on a windy day. Our oldest has a football game on Monday and I am experiencing things that I have never felt before over a stinkin’ football game. There is nothing more excruciating than sitting in the stands, watching with breath held as the ball releases and praying that if finds the right receiver (our team) and listening as every parent and child in the stands rates your child on their ability to play.

Then after the game, win or lose, I will have a son who is struggling with basing his identity on how he plays a game. How could he not struggle with this?  A friend asked me, “how do you him that it is not totally their responsibility when they lose and not totally for his their glory when they win?” I have asked myself that question one hundred times in the last few weeks. We have tried to teach our son that any talent given to him was by God and for His Glory but fleshing that out on a day-to-day basis is very hard. Because in order for him to learn that his identity is not in how he plays the game might come at the cost of him not playing very well. And that is hard for a momma to watch.

I feel like God has been asking me, “Do you want a winner or do you want a kid that knows Me intimately?” Um. I would like both please and on a silver platter. But a strong and deep relationship with the Lord doesn’t come in a life of no resistance. It comes in the trenches and dirt of life. So that feeling of dread and uncertainty war inside of me because I really do want my son to follow the Lord above all else but I am very scared of how much it is going to hurt him before that comes about.

We can apply this to anything that we or our kids are involved in. Do we rush to make sure they have the best circumstances? Do we quickly save them from the consequences of their behavior? Do we jump in just before they fall? I wonder how often we “save” our kids from the very thing that God will use to change them? 

Brad has a song he wrote called Blessed Goodbye, and part of it goes like this:

“I wave the white flag of surrender, Lord I’ve had enough of my ways. Say goodbye to the things of old, it’s a new day. Lord, I wish I didn’t struggle. I wish I didn’t hold on so tight. Teach me how to surrender my will and change me tonight. I got to learn to give up, lay down, fight hard by letting go. Hold close, give away, live the truths I know. Yield to what you want to do, resign that its mine say a blessed goodbye.”

Today, I am saying a Blessed Goodbye to wanting what I think is best for my kids and laying it at His feet. I am going fight hard for my kids by letting go and letting God work.

What do you need to say a Blessed Goodbye too?


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