I have trouble trusting God for the little things. When I felt God calling me to go to Africa, after my initial hesitation, I knew God was going to provide. He did. It seemed so simple with my Africa trip. God told me to go. I saved every extra penny I had. I had support from a loving group of people. I went to Africa. And then to Honduras. God provided for both of these trips. Easy Peasy. (There was some slight discomfort when I wanted a new pair of jeans or a Starbucks but the urge quickly subsided when I had something to look forward too.)
Today, I needed a major grocery store run. We have just been picking up small things every now and then since we have been out-of-town most of the summer. As my cart got heavier and I could barely see over it, I began wondering if my grocery money was going to be enough for all the people we feed. It wasn’t. We are on a cash system and every two weeks I get money for the things I am responsible for purchasing. I didn’t have enough cash and I had to use my check card and call Brad and tell him I went over my budget. Next time, maybe I should stop when I can no longer see in front of me. Lesson learned.
After I checked out, I pushed down the sick feeling in my stomach over the amount and I texted Brad and I asked him, how are we going to do this? How do we afford our life?
He simply answered – God. Which is the same answer he gave me when I felt God calling me to go to Africa.
His answer was simple – God. I had to ask myself, how is it I easily trust God for a trip to Africa but a trip to grocery store can cause me to break out in hives? I know the same things about the little things in life that I do about my big trip to Africa. God has called me to stay home with my kids. God commands us to open our home to others. God has confirmed to us our kids need to be in Christian school. Yet the math doesn’t work out. It didn’t work out for Africa either. But God!
Today God reminded me of these verses in Matthew 6:25 -34 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
I have heard these verses over and over again but today God convicted me of my worry and doubt. I trusted Him for big things but was worrying about little things (to God) such as food and clothing (uniforms). This doesn’t mean we live foolishly and expect God to provide, even though I am guilty of this and He has been gracious in providing. This means that we obey what He has commanded us to do and allow Him to work out the math. He promises He will. Thank goodness, I was never good at math.