The weather is cold and gloomy
the sky is dark and eerie
the house smells of boys, no amount of Febreeze will fix it
the dishes are piled up
the laundry is clean but in piles all over the house
I am mad and irritated at all that life has thrown in our direction.
I want to go on strike.
Right now, I envy those who can just decide they aren’t going to do their jobs and go on strike. I am trying to be like David and ask myself, ‘why are you downcast?’ I know the reasons and I can’t shake them.
Our pastor said this morning, “my head knows my theology but my emotions haven’t caught up with the theology.”
I find myself in that exact spot today. I know my job as a mom, wife, friend but that job is hard and often painful and some days I want to go on strike. I struggle with what I know in my head to be true of the roles I am here to play and what I am living out in my reality. I long to relish the time I have with my kids but I can quickly wish the day away. I long to enjoy my job as homemaker yet the daily grind of it can get the best of me. I long to live victoriously yet the battle feels huge.
I am just so thankful that the Lord doesn’t react out of his fickle feelings like I do and that his promises aren’t contingent on my weak emotions. Because today, I am removing the “I am ok” facade and telling him – “I can’t do this today, I don’t have the strength or energy.”
He softly whispered to me, ” I have been waiting for you to give up doing your day-to-day life without me. Now, we are getting somewhere . . . .” You would think I would have learned this one by now??!! So, in a sense, I am going on strike. I am going to refuse to do things alone, just like He has planned all along.