The Gift of Pain

I have five boxes sitting in the back of my car, I have peeked in at their contents but don’t have the nerve to go through them yet. Right after Jake died friends and family just packed up our house for us since we never went back home to our house. The accident happened at our house and we didn’t want to go back – we moved in immediately with my parents.
My cousin has stored this boxes in her attic since the accident. They are moving and she called me one night and said that she found boxes of Jake’s stuff. I teared up a bit and asked what was in the boxes. His toys, his backpack – the one he took to preschool each day, some clothes, you know, boy stuff. Brad and I picked up the boxes and they are still sitting in the back of my car. I see them in my rearview mirror but I avoid the inevitable and keep driving around with a car full of stuff.
I peeked in and saw items that my Jake used to hold. I take another glance and a see a backpack that he carried himself so proudly as he walked into his preschool room. I close up the box tightly, some things just hurt too much to look inside. Yet, I want to see it but then I don’t. So I go on, driving around town looking like I am the one moving.
In these last few weeks, I have had dear friends who have had their lives interrupted by pain. Not the death kind of pain, but the life kind of pain. We all experience it, we are going about our lives and suddenly an event happens that shakes us to the core. The pain of living in this fallen world. Often, we can deny the pain and keep the box closed but some events just force the box wide open and we must come into contact with the pain and sin of this world. It hurts and we hurt and we are left sitting around looking life and wondering why this had to happen.
In our small group, we are going through David Platt’s Old Testament Survey and he said something that stuck out to me yesterday. “It is not in our successes that we grow closer to God but in our pain.” Amen. He also said that pain is a privilege because it is what God uses to draw us to him. I have often considered writing a book called “the privilege of pain.” Because I don’t know much, but I know that to be true = that God uses our pain to draw us closer to him.
On my run this morning, my prayer list was long and many are hurting but I was reminded to be thankful for the pain in my life and the pain in the life of my friends. That heartbreak really is a gift from God because a life lived without trouble is sure to be a life lived away from the presence of God. Instead of ignoring those boxes in my car, I am going to get them out and bring them in. I am going to open the painful parts of my heart and let him use that anguish to draw my closer to him.


12 thoughts on “The Gift of Pain

  1. My heart hurts for you, Sweetie – treasure those precious memories of our sweet little Jake. Love you Kasey!!!

  2. I know it’s so true that it’s in the hard times we grow closer to God; whether through tragedy, struggles, or trials. As much as we love it when life is good and things go well, we don’t tend to draw near to the Lord in the same way.

    My heart just breaks for you and so many other friends who’ve lost children. While I know that the Lord holds each of you close to His heart and that He will use these tragedies to His glory, it still hurts. A friend in Nebraska lost her son in December. He was 22 months old. Of course, it made me think of you and Brad.

    I have no idea why God allows what He does, but I pray for each of you. Sometimes I have to trust that the Holy Spirit is praying on my behalf for you. Because I don’t even know how to pray. But I trust the Lord to hold you close, bring you comfort, and love you in a way no one else can.

  3. Thank you for sharing your pain so honestly & openly. I always enjoy reading your post and have got a lot out of them.
    This one in particular has stirred in me some things that I have been pushing through and thinking life is fine and that my relationship with God is good, but in reality there are things I need to be putting at Jesus’ feet for Him to take control of and for me to finally have release from. I have just been concerned of the pain and where it might take me, I understand now though that as you said the “pain” draws us closer to Him. I WANT to be closer to Him.
    So again Thank you. Ill be praying for you as you do venture into this next chapter. Praying His holy and perfect peace, grace and mercy on you as you ‘open the past’ in order to move forward.

    Much love Kristie xx

    1. I am so proud of you Kristie! Keep pushing into Him and He will reveal Himself directly to your pain and eventually heal your pain! He is so faithful!

  4. I remember packing up some of those boxes. Kasey, I still think to myself “Did that really happen?” I don’t drive down Ventura only because I don’t want to go past San Francisco. How crazy is that? I just love you and Brad so much! Sometimes it seems like you were just here yesterday and other times it feels like a lifetime ago. I must say that I love watching what God has done in your lives. It is a true testimony of what God can do if you will just let him.
    By the way, I made your mom’s maple ring AND the pineapple casserole for Easter. Mmm..loves those recipes almost as much as the ladies who shared them with me!

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