“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Proverbs 14:1
I don’t think any of us want to intentionally tear down our house but I am afraid we do this daily. I coming to realize the power I have as a wife and mom. I know, I know, these are things I should know already. I do deep down but think it scares me how much influence and power I can wield. My words and my actions can literally build up or tear down every person that walks through my doors.
Our small group has been doing the Love Dare as couples and it has helped us so much. It has forced me to think of Brad and go out of my way to do little somethings for him each day. It is not that it asks you to do exceptionally great things each day but it requires you to do something. Some days the tasks are hard, like choosing to give in in an area of disagreement and put their preferences first. Some are easier like picking up a gift for your spouse. Gifts are easy for me, giving in to his preference, not so much. But I choose to prefer him and that makes a difference. A big difference.
Last week, Brad was just having a bad week. We all have them. One day it just clicked in my head that I had power to make his day better. There were things that I could do to cheer him up, I sent texts letting him know that I had plans for that night that he could look forward to. I greeted him at the door warmly (also part of love dare) and stopped what I was doing to pay attention to just him. I was intentionally making sure his night was not like his day.
Like the sun rising in the morning, the realization that I could change his day for him dawned on me. Why has it taken so long? I know that God created me to be his helper and I can help change his view on life. Work doesn’t matter as much when we are cuddled up on the couch and he is receiving glowing attention from me. Others opinions seem to fade in the distance when the wife of his youth adores him. The big cold world out there doesn’t seem so cold when I am waiting at home ready to warm him.
I long to fix it for him because I want it better for him but I was going about it in all the wrong ways. I was telling him what he should have said or how he could have acted in this situation or in that conflict. Instead of fixing, I was adding to his discouragement. The last thing he needed from me when he walked through the doors of his home was how he should have handled something. I realized that I couldn’t fix what was going on out there in the world but I could fix what he was encountering when he was here – in his home. I was tearing him down all in the name of being his helper. I was going to “help” him do things differently. HA. That is code for “my way.” He doesn’t need my way of doing things – he needs me.
Me to love him throughly.
Me to want him completely.
Me to adore him regardless.
Me to shower him with attention.
We make it so hard. There are a million books on how to be a good wife. I was getting lost in the details – keep your house clean, gourmet meal, looks cute, blah, blah, blah. We could spend so much time doing these things for them that we never actually pay attention to them.
I am learning one thing – when you totally and completely adore them, they feel and become adorable.
Go adore your husband today.