Easy Was Never Promised

I almost feel I need to give this post a disclaimer. This is not an encouraging or happy post.  It is not full of pictures or stories to pull your heart strings. Today is a day of struggle. Pure and honest.

Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I thought that if I loved God fully and devoted my life to Him – it would get easier.

It hasn’t. I feel like my heart has been broken in a million pieces over and over again. Much of it my own doing, some of it just part of this life. Some of it is Jesus promise that when we follow after him, we will have trouble. But what? “Be of good cheer He has overcome the world.”  I know all these things in my head today – I could recite you verse after verse of the hope and promise we have for heaven and the joy we will one day experience but today my heart is ruling my head.

And my heart hurts.

It hurts knowing the condition of this kids we left in Haiti.

It hurts knowing the condition of the kids who live down the street.

It hurts when criticized for doing what you think God has called you to do.

It hurts knowing that I haven’t always lived this life pleasing to God and those consequences will never go away.

It hurts knowing that I came home wanting to love and cherish my kids because I saw what others experience daily, yet I found myself frustrated and quick tempered.

It hurts because I want to be the woman God has called me to be yet I struggle daily with my anger, selfishness, and lack of trust. Pauls words describe it perfectly, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Romans 7:15.

Today, my life hurts.

Today, I am shutting the blinds and about to have a bawling session with my Father because “we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet was without sin.” Heb. 4:15.


11 thoughts on “Easy Was Never Promised

  1. Sweet friend. I would hug you if I could. I will be praying for you. You are a huge blessing to those who know you. Sometimes I know it’s easier to wear a smile and never be this honest. I used to hate the saying that “God would meet me exaclty where I am”. Look up to your Deliverer. Where does your help come from? When I think of looking up – I picture myself laid out flat. Beat down. Exhausted and expected to keep going. That posture is exactly where we should be. YOU taught me that. =) Stay looking up friend. You are loved no matter how hard it gets. And not by people. But by your King. Your Savior. Your amazing Lover of your very soul. You are right to draw your blinds and cry out to the only one who loves you so intensely. Call if you need to.

  2. Kasey
    I’m so sorry you are hurting. Among other things, I admire you for being so honest.
    I pray that God wrap His big loving arms around you and comfort you as only He can do. I pray that you see what a smart, beautiful,vibrant,exceptional woman you truly are.

    Love you

  3. I think you will find that there are many who identify with you. I can remember as a young believer asking the question – how do I work through my frustrations to which I was answered “we are not to be that way on and on and on,” I said, Yes, but I do feel that way – what am I suppose to do with it?” The hope in us is that Jesus does care and He understands but the only advice I can give you as an elderly now is fall in love with His word. Let it penetrate into a living reality rather than just knowing the passages etc. When we do this – we open up a well of grace and love that He has for His creation. We haven’t even touched the hem of His garment. God bless – the road is not easy………..

    1. Ms. Judy, thanks for responding and pointing me in the right direction. You are so right! His word is what offers the hope and encouragement we need!

  4. Precious Kasey….what wisdom, courage and insight you have beyond your years! You may never know, because most won’t say, how many you have encouraged with your testimony and strength in the Lord. Wish every day for you (and me!) could be blue skies and robin’s songs. But I guess then we wouldn’t really know how every once in a while God gives us just a glimpse of heaven on earth…the blessing of being called mamma, the love of a sweet man, the satisfaction at the end of a day when we’ve seen His Hand at work in another, and the hundreds of colors of green in the trees and the hummingbirds in flight. To look beyond the hurt is the hardest thing to do in life, and it gets no easier as time passes and wrinkles show up on your face! But the balance starts shifting toward noticing the heavenly even as the work gets more urgent. And promises from the Father are being fulfilled…and hope grows…and more love flows through us to others. Hang in there, Sister…you’re a special one with a unique calling. I’ve watched you…and you’re for real…and God is working through you…and I wanted you to know. Love you, darling one!!!

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