He’s gone

Some days I just want to turn my feeler off. I wish there was a switch that would just stop me from feeling. Today, I have reached my limit.

After seeing all that I saw in Peru, and now Haiti, I have been feeling numb.

Then yesterday at my son’s basketball game I got word that one of the boys died from the school our church has adopted. One of the kindergarden boys that I went on the field trip with died of heart problems. I planned to get up early and go to the school just to be there and help when needed.

At 3:30 am this morning, I could sleep no more. I had tossed and turned for the few hours I did sleep. It was easier to just get up. I knew I needed to spend some extra time in His Word and prayer.  I knew that today would be rough. I just didn’t know how rough.

I arrived at school and immediately went to the kindergarden classes. I went to check on “Carlos, my sweetheart” and see his teacher. (If you don’t know who “Carlos” is – read here and here) I was excited to see him.   Because I was in Peru, I had not seen him since the field trip.

His teacher greeted me and said,”you know your boy is gone?”

“Gone? What do you mean?” I stammered.

“He never came back after break. He is now in foster care.”

My heart dropped, my eyes filled with tears.

He is gone.

This verse was in my Bible reading today: Ecclesiastes 1:18 “For in much wisdom is much vexation, and he who increases in knowledge increases sorrow.”

I tried to tell you: Ignorance is Bliss. Knowledge Hurts. Bad.


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